Fever

Two kids in my class went home sick yesterday with high fevers. The downside to Kindergarten is that I get what they bring in.

Last night I woke up with high fever and chills. The kind where you feel like a mini-nova giving off heat, but despite clothes and 4 blankets you still "can't get warm".

I'm staying home today, and hopefully can find a sub for my class around 6am.

Dinner

Just got back from my dinner with B. I have the glow that only flame seared meat and a good single malt whiskey can provide.

We talked tonight about my lack of joy. My mojo is gone. I'm not depressed, but there's a definite lack of enthusiasm for that which I was joyous about last year.

I think it has something to do with feeling like everyone is taking energy from me, rather than giving to me, or myself giving my soul time to recharge.

The Vet

Just got back from the vet. $173 was the total. I gave them my card for a "free office visit" and that knocked it down to $123. Prescriptions for kennel cough, tapeworms, and a cough suppressant that's supposed to make her sleepy. Despite the cost though, I'd never give Rose back. That's how I know I have the right dog for me.

I'm hoping with her medicine, she'll sleep a bit more through the night, allowing me to sleep more through the night.

Last night I awoke to her around 11pm, but went back to sleep. I also awoke to a hissing sound from my breather. I'm pretty sure the humidity was up to high, and that's why I was getting a whistling sound. I'll have it lower tonight. I resisted the urge to get up at 3 when she wanted me to, but as I had to go, I thought she prolly would too. I did finally end up sneaking in another hour's sleep after that.

It was as I was getting ready for work this morning that I saw them on the bed. Little, dried, pasta thin granules. All over the place where Rose'd slept. Doing some research, I found out they're dried segments of tapeworm. Joy. not-

I had the creeps all day from it, and finally changed her vet appointment from Saturday to tonight.

The Hermit Year

The Hermit initiates a 12-month cycle of learning, questing, seeking, teaching, mentoring, apprenticing. It is a time of completion’s, of tying up loose ends, finishing projects and relationships, in preparation for a whole new cycle. Shining the light in the dark corners of your life and finding answers. Take time to be alone, to contemplate, and to learn. Those who have never seen a psychic, see one in this year. Those who have never looked deeply for metaphysical truths, venture for the first time into this territory. Truth at all costs in this year. No white lies. Time to meet your Obi Wan Kenobi, or Crone, or Wise Old Man. This may be a real person who comes into your life this year, a spirit guide, or an aspect of yourself! Dreams will speak to you, so listen! Shadow side of this year: falling for guru worship, taking the advice of others over your own best knowing, not following your hunches, mistaking alone for lonely, and forgetting that it is your year to march to a different drum! It is OK to be the oddball this year. Go for it!

What I think is interesting about this, is I recently bought a CD kit for meditation. I haven't picked it up since it was delivered of course, but this encourages me that I was right when I followed that intuition. Also, I seem to be a kind of mentor to S, and that's good. I have a teacher at school that I look up to as a mentor for me. She came out of retirement to teach gifted and talented, and is encouraging me to do the same, after I complete my course this year. If I do pursue it, it'd be next year, and that being a Wheel of Change year makes a lot of sense as well.

The Start of a New Year

In Tarot there are 2 starts to new years. One is the calendar (NYE), and one is the birthday. The time inbetween the two are usually for finishing up old business before starting the new.

Today is my birthday :)

Last night I went to an awesome party my friend R had. She was turning 30 and so themed a XXX party :P Some people came in costume: Unsuspecting pizza boy, Hugh Hefner, etc. She showed a variety of vintage, really bad, soft porn, and had food that resembled body parts.

And funnily enough, I met a guy there I thought was instantly cute and wanted to get to know better. We talked, and (in my mind) things went well. Maybe he'll call, maybe he won't. But it was cool regardless.

B is taking me out to lunch.

CPAP

Last night was the first night with the CPAP machine. When I went to pick it up yesterday, I also got what's called "nose pillows" to try, instead of the nasal mask. Nose pillows are essentially inserts for the air into the nostrils. I slept very well with it.

My brain feels more awake this morning. It's raining outside, so I'd still have loved to lounge around bed, but that's ok. I got up anyway and washed the connections and hose in wram soapy water, as well as the humidifier tray, and then went downstairs to take Rose out.

The really cool thing this morning though, is that my allergies aren't bothering me. Usually in the morning I'm blowing my nose a lot. But not today.

Poor Rose

Update: She ate a lil bit this morning, and when I got home from school today her appetite was back. :)


I've had about 4 and a half hours sleep. Poor Rose. She still doesn't feel like eating, and can barely tolerate water. I have to be careful how much I give her at once, otherwise it'll just come back up.

She did pee when I took her outside, and tried to poop, although there wasn't much there.

I can tell she's in a lot of pain, but at least her tail was wagging this morning. I have some doggy pain reliever from the vet, but was told not to give it to her unless she ate something. And of course, that's not happened yet.

I feel like I should call in sick to stay home with her today. For you non pet owning types, I don't care how "common" spaying is, it's still major surgery. I know though that the best things for her are rest, and time, and she'll get both of those today.

16.6

Sixteen point six. That's how many pounds I've lost now.

I think my dog walks with Rose have really helped. I had, by all accounts, a not great food week. While I was sick, I gave in to a small chocolate frosty, 3 chicken nuggets (which tasted like they were rolled in salt- blech), 2 servings of matzo ball soup, OJ, and a small container of Ben and Jerry's Mint Chocolate Cookie Ice Cream. Then, to make things a lil worse, when S stayed over we ordered Chinese food. YUM. AND... the date with the new guy Sat. night included a beer and way too much white rice.

So I haven't been weighing myself. Natch.

Last night a friend and I did a 3 hour henna gig. I wore the first ever salwar kamiz outfit I'd bought, about a year ago. The pants are now so loose that they were almost falling off. So I thought hmm... I'll weigh myself this morning :D Glad I did!


12/31/07- 243
01/04/08- 238
01/11/08- 235.2
01/16/08- 234.0
01/25/08- 228.4
01/29/08- 229.8
02/06/08- 231.0
02/08/08- 229.8
02/18/08- 226.4

Weekend Update

Rose has made an indelible mark on my life already. Friday night I had to spend at the sleep center again, this time with a CPAP. Rather than leave her alone overnight, possibly crying/yelping, I had her spend the night with a good friend's family. They love her, and Rose got along with them just fine. Sitting in my apt though, before I left for the center, I realized how ... quite things were. I missed her. Missed her presence. Missed her just being asleep in various sprawled out positions.

At the sleep center, they had me sleep with a nasal mask. It doesn't cover the mouth. I breathed just fine with it on, in fact it made breathing easier. The only two drawbacks (aside from inherent sexiness of said mask)- it's more difficult to side sleep with it on, and I had red facial marks the day after.

Sometime this week I go back to "purchase" my machine (joy...my CC company will love me). I'm going to ask about the "nose pillows". Yeah, that's really what they're called. Basically it's a breathing thing that inserts into the nostrils. It's supposed to be easier to side sleep with them.

I had a first date with a gamer guy last night. It was ok. He's definitely hot, but is still torn up about his previous GF who broke up with him. Soo not ready for a new one.

I cleaned my kitchen this morning, and steamed veggies, then fish. The tilapia is pretty good. I put orange peel in the steam water, and sprinkled a little hot curry powder and fresh nutmeg over it.

Tonight I have a 3 hour henna gig with a friend. We're henna-ing about 120 teens at a bat/bar mitzvah. Should be interesting.

Just Like a Child

Rose reminds me in many ways of a child. If she's not in the room with you, and everything is too quiet, rest assured she's getting into something.

Yesterday I'd left the door to the studio open. Unbeknownst to me, she went up there and investigated.

Now, I'd gotten her some chew toys at the store, and she enjoyed those thoroughly. And aside from having a strange fascination with my used tissues, I was pretty sure things would be ok in that room.

So I'm typing on my computer last night when I hear a "chomp! crack chomp!" I rush over, and there, at the top of the stairs, is Rose trying to make inroads on my starfish!

sigh.

It now has the tip missing from one of its legs.

But I love Rose, really I do.

Sick

I am sick. Bleh. Head cold, coughing, yuckiness. I go to the doc this morning. I'm hoping I can get something that will make me INSTA-BETTER since I have so much to be well for this weekend.

I'm hoping I'll be better enough for the sleep test Friday night. And then Sunday night there's the 3 hour twins' bar/bat mitzvah I'm doing henna at. Thankfully Monday I'm off work for the holiday.

Saturday I may have a sushi first date with a new boy.

Rose is adapting well. Thanks to Vickie's suggestion, I've been leaving CNN on for her. My neighbor says he doesn't hear her bark during the day. Thank goodness. Pet deposit though here is $300. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I thought maybe they'll accept payments. I live here after all, it's not like I'm going anywhere.

When I get home after work, I come in, and she's usually waking up from a nap. I find that if I don't exercise her enough, she exhibits bored behavior such as looking for something to chew on. I'll have to get her a chew toy after the doc's today. When I'm sick, I just can't walk her a mile every day.

One of my friends is turning 30 and is throwing a XXX party. Complete with Debbie Does Dallas on the TV. Should be fun :D

Weekend

B and I spent most of Saturday afternoon and part of the evening together.

He wanted me to go with him when he went shopping for shirts, and said we could do some of my shopping as well. That day the ringer/silent switch of my iPhone decided to come totally loose. You could change it just by turning the phone over. So a trip to the Apple store was in the works.

I found out that to talk to someone knoweldgeable, you have to "make an appointment for the Genius Bar" So we weren't able to be seen till 7:45. After B got the shirts on sale he wanted from Dillards, he took me out for sushi. Then apple store, where they replace my phone and I got a new holder for it. After that, we went to Whole Foods to restock some of my supplements and make sure I had fruits and veggies for the week. B paid. Then it was back to his place to watch Torchwood.

No snuggling, no staying over, and brief hugs. I was proud of myself. Didn't get emotional at all, though B talked about "our current state" and how society views break ups etc. I kinda wished he wouldn't, but it never got to the point where I was getting upset. I figured he needed to get some of that out. Today he went to class regarding "children of f*cked up parents" or somesuch. I'm glad he did, I know it was out of his comfort zone.

Today I started the process of adopting a dog. Her name is Rose, and she's supposedly 10-12 months old. A lab/terrier mix. Here's pics of her:




She's a really sweet dog, very affectionate. The main thing I'm trying to work on her is separation anxiety. I've been trying to get her used to not having to be in the same room as me this afternoon. She's not sposed to be a barker, but I know she's going to be sad when I crate her and go off to work tomorrow.

Dreams

I dreamt last night that I married Mr. Wolf. Or rather, that I was supposed to marry him. I had some kind of job at a radio station type place.

And for some reason, he was marrying me, even though I knew he cared more for someone else. And the marriage wasn't a huge ceremony thing. It was to be small, friends and family, and I remember us going to the hotel or whatever on the day of, and he asked me if I was happy, to marry him.

And I wasn't, since he didn't really want to marry me.

I was surprised this morning, that I had dreamed of Mr. Wolf. I think in part it may have to do with V-Day coming up (last year he proposed to *her* with a 3 carat ring at V-Day) and my hopes were crushed.

I think in some way it also relates to Mr. B, since Wolf and B are both Jewish Pisces.

hmmm..

YAY It's Friday!

So I weighed myself this morning, and am back down to 229.8 My goal is to fly past Valentines without the self-pity party of chocolate, strawberries and champagne, so I can continue to fall through the 220s.

The numbers:

12/31/07- 243
01/04/08- 238
01/11/08- 235.2
01/16/08- 234.0
01/25/08- 228.4
01/29/08- 229.8
02/06/08- 231.0
02/08/08- 229.8



School was good yesterday. Our class has instituted a bank system, whereby I pay them for good behavior, homework etc in plastic pennies. Today was the introduction of the tax. The Talking Out Tax, the Being Bossy Tax, and the Triple-T - Tattle Tale Tax. Rather than getting my emotions worked up, I just told the child, "You owe me the _____ tax. Go bring me a penny". With our class store being today, most of them want to save their money, hehe.

Last night I worked some more on an assignment for my online class. This is the third class of four, and each class seems to ramp up the workload from the previous... or maybe that's my imagination. I'm supposed to submit a 5 lesson plan outline that has about 6 categories specified for each lesson. I'm choosing to do my Japanese practicum, so I can improve what my tenuous thoughts are on it. The bad part is that means this is all from scratch, so it's a lot to put out in a week.

I'm getting a new bed this weekend. Time to put the old, 13-somethin' mattresses to rest. I'm thinking of buying a new sheet/ quilt set to go with the new bed. Maybe something girly from Shabby Chic.

Your Spirit

How do you nurture your spirit?

I really would like to know, to her from readers what they do that helps them. Do you pray, meditate, write?

I'm asking this because I am searching for my own ways to nurture my spirit, to feel that inner happiness, rather than inner stress.

Sleep Test Results

Well, it was certainly worth going to the sleep center.

In 6.7 hours, I had approx. 16 interruptions per hour. Also, the majority of my sleep time wasn't in deep sleep.

My snoring was labeled severe- and the doc said if the jaded techs said severe, it really *was* that bad. I asked if there was a tape I could hear or see myself, but he said unless it shows life-threatening incidents, they immediately re-record over it.

My blood oxygen was 95% before sleep. During sleep it was down to 78%

My heart was fine, no choking, nothing life threatening. I got copies of my results.

He said the next step is the CPAP. But I need to come back in for another overnight, so they can monitor, adjust pressure specifically for me, and prove to the insurance company that they get better results under the same conditions with CPAP. I kinda gulped, wondering what the cost of it all will be, but hopefully not much with my insurance covering 90%.

They said they had tonight open... but I don't want to try and get that gel gunk out of my hair on a school day, so I go back the Friday 15th. A few days after that, they should call me to come pick up my machine. A month after that, meet with doc again to see how it's doing at home, if my energy levels are better etc.

Wednesday

Well, today is hump day. This afternoon I go to find out the results of my sleep center testing.

I'm a bit disheartened by the election results last night. Obama won more states, but Clinton won more delgates. And, being a newbie to politics, I'm discovering for the first time this thing called "super-delegates" that are really the upper echelons of the democratic party. These people have sway over "what's best for the party" rather than the will of the people being able to choose. The cynical side of me says that there will be wheeling and dealing in the back rooms to elect the candidate that will keep the status quo and not shake things up too much... ie Clinton.

Ah well.

On the food front, I had to fast yesterday for 6 hours. I was giving blood and other liquids samples to a nurse after school for testing and they needed me to have not eaten for the 6 hours prior. So when it was all over, and I realized I'd also received my new netflix movies, I did what I would have done months ago.

I ordered a pizza.

Delivery.

I ate almost half of it. The dough I didn't like, it was PapaJohn's original crust. And while the ends were good and crispy, the doughy bottom I didn't want to eat. I ended up picking off the toppings (bbq chicken, onions, black olives and cheese) and then eating the crisp crust.

40 minutes later I was having a reaction to the food. My face was flushed and hot, and my heart felt a bit more pumpy than usual. By the time I got ready for sleep, I felt like I'd been drugged- and not in a good way. I couldn't believe I used to do this to myself on purpose. Blech... it wasn't worth it. I still don't feel like myself this morning... like I "need" a big mug of Starbucks sugar and caffeine. No wonder I was in a vicious cycle of bad choices.

I want to go back to bed, but I'm going to work instead.

YES, We Can.

This is a great supporter-created video of Barack Obama's primary night speech from New Hampshire.




Go Vote

This is me, checking in

Had a busy weekend, kept up with my plans despite Friday's news.

Saturday had my pampered chef party.
Saturday night went to a friend's birthday dinner.
After dinner, went to a different friend's for a tarot reading.

Sunday opted out of church, lazed in bed, went to get my 2 hour massage, was back in time to go to Super Bowl Party.
Drank beer and ate much off-plan food so as to smother my emotions for B and not burst out crying at party. That worked well until I got home.

Surprisingly, I got a decent night's sleep.

At least it was way ahead of V-Day

B and I broke up yesterday. He wants friendship rather than relationship, and has a bunch of issues that he needs to work on.

I know logically it's for the best. I agree with his reasons.

Doesn't make it feel any better.

*big hugs* to Leah for feeding me off-plan comfort food, rum and diet cokes, and mucho support last night.