update

So it's been a week since I last blogged. Forgive me father for I have... err nm

I went to an arts festival to do henna last weekend. I learned a ton, was exhausted at the end of each day, and made some money. Money that helped pay my next installment for car insurance, and a lil bit of a new canopy I decided to buy. It's hard for me to justify the expense (yes, I got a nice one) but since I'll be selling henna at the artist's market at my school's fall festival, I had an excuse hehe.

I haven't been exercising like I know I should. I think the primary reason for this is I'm not getting to bed early enough... when I don't go to bed till 10 or 11, I don't want to get up at 4:15, 4:30 to go work out. My goal next week is to be in bed early enough each night so that I make 5 days in a row with my workout.

I had a meeting with my coach at the Y. Among other things we talked about was a food plan. I feel a HUUUGE resistance to food plans, probably because I've always failed before. It's like I don't want to lie to myself anymore. I know I need one though. If I don't plan what I will eat, then I'll get ravenous and overeat on costly caloric foods.

Also the topic came up that I didn't feel happy, or successful with my weight loss. I think part of it was seeing the number on the scale after working out a month. It was a 2lb loss. I know intellectually that a food plan would help that increase. Why does it seem like so much work, to plan what I will eat, shop for it, and prepare it?

My henna biz is going great, and I think my preoccupation with that has been an easy if coincidental excuse for not thinking about my body. Like all my thought energy is going to henna, not to body.

Talked to my mom last night about my dad. Basically the doctors aren't 100% sure what's wrong. The main doc thinks that radiation "bruised" his liver, and that's where the severe pain is coming from. They also think he has some pneumonia and have him on antibiotic for it. He may be out tomorrow morning. I know he wants to be home. This is hardest of all on mom, who sees the toll it's taking on her formerly strong husband. She broke down on the phone last night, telling me he's not going to survive this, and she just wanted me to be prepared. I wish I could have reached through the phone to hug her.