I got back Wednesday from Florida. A day early. Lots of stress going on, and as I got sick, I got the brunt of it for different reasons from my mom.
My dad lost 68 lbs while he was in the hospital. It's the first time I've ever looked at him and thought of him as old and frail.
Sunday my mom went to church (disappointed of course that I didn't go) and I went into the back bedroom to nap and read. When she got home, she came into my room and said, "Your dad's had a fall... and you were here!"
Turns out dad got up to get ice and blacked out, hitting his head on the way down. Mom started to disparage me, and dad was telling her he didn't cry out or anything, he just sat there till he felt he could get up, throwing ice cubes into the sink. He thinks his blood pressure meds are too strong now since he's lost all that weight.
Well when I got sick, my brother and my mom both kept saying things like "should you be here? I don't want you to get dad sick" duh, I didn't want to get him sick either. So I kept to myself most of the time in the back room.
Mom always makes me feel like I'm being judged. comments about what I eat, and when I eat it; how I'm not christian enough (or at all) and her attempts to make sure I know God loves me, and then the last straw came when I heard her talking to my brother Glenn out on the porch. She said some awful, hateful, bitter things about me- blaming me for dad's fall essentially.
So I packed up my things, talked to my bro on the way out, and left. I got out, went to the bookstore to calm down. I'd felt guilty enough already about my dad. I'd felt stressed before, but this was the tops. I made a hotel reservation. Saw a movie to get my mind off of things.
After the movie I checked my messages. Mom had called, deeply apologetic. Seems my brother scolded her after I left. About how she was misplacing blame that she felt on herself. She told me to call her when I was ready to talk.
I didn't call until I got back to Atlanta.
So yeah, Christmas was weird for me. Presents were great, fine. Nothing to complain about. All I'd really wanted was Dad home anyway, and that happened. It's just complicated with family, you know?
Friday, December 29, 2006
Happy Holidays?
Posted by Raene at 11:26 AM
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2 comments:
Stressful times bring out the best and worst in people. And the folks that are closest to us have the capability to hurt us emotionally the most.
While the above is trite - it is also true. It sounds like your Mom was feeling powerless about your Dad's situation - and was trying to take her need for control out on someone else - and you were a good target.
Blaming you for your Dad's fall? For being sick? For not sharing her religous belief? Sounds like you made the right decision to head out. The only thing you were accomplishing was allowing your Mom to vent at your expense.
Yep, you did the right thing by removing yourself from a situation that was doing you more harm than good. Moms can be difficult sometimes - something I appreciate even more now that *I* am a mom. I hope through my experiences and frustrations with my own parents that I can stop those silly actions against my own kids. Learning experience for teh win. :)
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