Playdough Standards

Today was our 100th day of school. Our celebration went well, even though the kids are wild. They brought collections of 100 items like 100 pennies, or 100 cotton balls or 100 toothpicks.

We had a grade level meeting though, with our AP and the liasion for the new GA Performance standards. After we came out of there, I felt disheartened. I felt like, somewhere we've lost the essence of kindergarten. They told us we can't do things anymore just because they're fun or cute. We have to know what standard it's for, and make sure the kids know as well. I want to say, where's the developmentally appropriate practices? What standard does fine motor skills such as cutting and pasting fall under? (there isn't one so far) What standard is playdough and blocks?

This isn't to say our admin team are ogres. They're not. I know they'll give us the freedom to determine our lesson plans as long as we have the standards to back them up. I feel like I need to see a classroom where play is at the heart, but backed up by the standards. Part of the problem is these standards are so new... some things get overemphasized to make sure the staff are all trained properly so that if test scores in the upper grades don't improve, everyone's butt is covered when the fingerpointing begins.

The other thing is they started asking/talking about inclusion toward the end. There's a lot of hot issues for us, since we *are* inclusion, more so than 1st grade and on up. When you have special ed kids, they have modified standards and IEP goals. If we're supposed to start posting work and standards, only the work that meets or exceeds the standards are supposed to put up in the halls. What do we do about inclusion kids' work, who's standards would be viewed as "easier" by another child? Do we post different sets of standards? Do we not include that child's work because it's not the same level as other children's work?

sigh

I'm frustrated....

like, omgz!

He's coming!

Mr. Wolf has booked his flight! Wheeeeeeee.




That is all.

A Weekend of Eats

This weekend was one of mixed feelings and results.

Mr. Wolf may be coming to see me next month, all he needs is to get his vacation time approved by his work. I have this weird fear that they'll say "No, sorry, we're too busy, not now." So part of my long MLK weekend was spent sleeping. Another part was spent eating. And yes, I did do stuff like take out 3 bags of trash and wash dishes and vaccuum.

I guess I'm sitting wondering where my overeating urges come from. I know it's a form of self medication, but what is it that I'm either wanting to feel, or want to cover-up feeling? So bear with me if this is a kind of rambling spiel. I mostly just want to get the thoughts about it out of my head so I'll have a clear day.

Am I afraid that Mr. Wolf won't come? Yes. What's the worse that can happen... he can reschedule for a later date at another time. Am I worried that our attraction won't last or be there when that time comes? Hell no. I know it will be. Is it that it's something I've been really looking forward to? Yes. Would I be disappointed? Yes, but I'll live.

So maybe this isn't all attached to Mr. Wolf.

Last night it occured to me that I haven't been moving (read: exercise) in a long time. I know that when I'm walking to and from school, my spirits are lifted and my mood is elevated. I'm more relaxed, and more focused. Maybe I'm eating to regain those feelings. If so, then rather than eat a bunch of junk and buy a bunch of junk that I don't need to put in my body, I should walk to school today.

/looks at the package of coconut macaroons and the one of oreos.

Oh yeah, I guess I should take these to the teacher's lounge too.

Can't Sleep, Clowns Will Eat Me

Ok, maybe not clowns, but I can't sleep.

See I have this problem, I think I have to be a perfect teacher. I received some input today from my paraprofessional, that essentially (albeit well met and nicely put) I'm too hard on the kids sometimes.

We had our first spelling test. Four words: rat, bat, cat, and flat. I'd told the kids that spelling in lowercase letters would count. The reading unit we're using has been teaching things such as capital letters to begin sentences. We've learned the difference between nouns verbs, and we've talked about proper nouns and adjectives. What makes one word be capitalized and another not (name of a month, vs name of an animal). We've practiced writing the spelling words in class, in games, and in homework. One boy, who's missed a *lot* of school this year, wrote bAt, rAt, CAt, on his test, and I marked them incorrect.

She feels I should have given him credit. Two years ago, I would have, except that I saw students getting to first grade, still making mistakes that I'd glossed over and not corrected, and by then were a habit with the child. My feeling is that I have to show him the expectations, and that next time he'll meet them.

So I second guess myself about if I've been too hard on kids. We're also doing Dolch sight words, and the kids pretty much know who the really super readers are. But my friend doesn't want the kids compared to each other. But they compare themselves anyhoo. Don't mistake this as a "I glean out the "gifted" vs low students. It's not. I teach that we're all smart at something. It may be reading, or running, or drawing, or math, or building, but no matter who you are, you have something you're very very good at- that we're all different.

So I'm trying not to beat myself up too much over it. Kindergarten these days isn't the same as when I started in '98. I look across the hall to the Pre-K, and they're teaching what we used to do back then. We've become a sort of mini-1st, or Pre-1st.

I'm going to a math training seminar tomorrow to learn about new GA performance standards for grades K-2 in math. Later I'll reteach it back at my school to my peers. So I can't just walk back into class tomorrow and immediately make a difference in ensuring that all my students know they're loved. Monday there's no school with the holiday, so it's a long weekend.

I just hope the clowns won't eat me.

A New Start for a New Year

I emailed Mr. Colorado Sunday and told him my thoughts on us. He wrote me back today, and I guess I shouldn't be surprised at his comments. He says he thinks I've got deeper issues than whether I think I'm in love with someone else. That God opened a door for me and I was afraid to walk through. He also said that he knew if I didn't run over the holidays that I would have eventually, and that he couldn't trust me with his heart. He's glad I backed out. He's also going to pray that I find an understanding about what keeps me from a deeper relationship with God and trust His decisions.

Part of me says... oh.. so it couldn't be that I didn't find you attractive, it's got to be because of God. It'd be easier in some respects if I weren't so independant, and thought, "yeah, God wants me to move to Colorado and marry this man who will immediately impregnate me and continue his family". Mr. Colorado's mom is a preacher, and he's used to living with the scary-on-edge-"God says go here" type decisions. I wasn't raised that way. Perhaps he'll view it as me not having enough faith.

I view it as God has always allowed humans to make choices. I'm choosing not to go down a road with Mr. Colorado any further. I can't just blindly go... yeah, lemme go here cause a guy is so head over heels for me he thinks it's God's will.

Sigh.

I had a good holiday with my folks. It was weird being the only child home for the holidays. My youngest brother and his wife just moved into a new house so they spent Christmas eve there. I also took a bunch of laundry home, so I felt very much like the cliche. To make matters more absurd in a darkly comic way, the washer chose to break with one of my loads. Except that I didn't know it had. I just assumed that it was normal for their old washer to not drain too well, and leave a lil bit of water in the bottom. After I get done, and Dad puts a load in, they discover the agitator is broken... on Christmas eve. He wouldn't be able to fix it for a couple of days when the stores reopened.

I spent the last two days with my brother and his wife in their new house. Well, Thursday was actually spent in their old apartment repainting the walls white, and getting the last of the trash etc out. He and I got some good talk time. Turns out there's more inner turmoil in he and his wife's relationship than they ever show. It reminded me of stressful times in my own relationship with my ex, and how being single frees me of that.

Kind of a two edged sword, isn't it? Single people long for a relationship, and those in a relationship face the hard reality of conflict and stress and emotional pressure.

It's raining today. All dark and grey and stormy. I have a headache that hasn't gone away for two days. I just got back from Wal-Mart. I bought a ladder-shelf for $30.00! It'll be a big help in organizing my office/dining room area. This weekend I've also been busy cleaning out old closets, throwing away bags of trash. It's felt really good :) A new start for a New Year.