Eureka!

Eureka! By Jove, I think I've got it~

I drove up to Helen today to visit the Habersham Winery. Yep, Georgia has a winery, and it's not half bad. My dad's partial to the Muscadine, and I like that as well as the Peach. He's paying me to bring a case home for the holidays.

Now, in case you don't know, Helen is in the middle of rural-almost-nowhere. This is not to be confused with the urban-middle-of-almost-nowhere, which is exactly where you don't want to be at 1:30am when your car breaks down. Not that Rural Middle is that much better, but you're more likely to get a wave and a smile before you're shot fer trespassin'.

Helen is known for the Alpine tourist attractions. Seriously, look it up. Outside of Helen in Nacoohatcheesomthin is the winery. It's about 50-60 minutes by interstate, and then 30-40 min of rural hwy after that. So I had a lot of time to think, which gets me back to my point.

I think I've figured out this Mr. Colorado thing.

I'm not attracted to him. Physically. Sure, it was just talking over webcam, but it honestly didn't make me want to see him in person. I was talking to him on the phone (err... he was talking to me... on and on and on) and after about 20 minutes yesterday I said welp, I gotta go. Have a great holiday. He stopped me and said it seemed like I'd put a wall up recently, and he didn't understand the change. Like I'd already made up my mind, and there was no room anymore for possibilities. I told him I'd think about that, and call him in a couple weeks, after the holidays.

It's true. I have decided, and I did put a wall up. In the beginning I was more interested in the idea of him more than the him himself. This is where mixed signals came in. I can't see myself being with this guy. He's hyper, he talks a ton and hardly lets me get a word in, and we'd prolly end up arguing all the time about religion. He wanted me to go find my bible this weekend and spend an hour in the word and let "the holy spirit fill me up". Sorry Charlie. I was raised Methodist, and I never learned/practiced about such things. I did hear about 'em later in life, but it's not my bag.

The biggest change in me though, came from seeing him over the webcam. Don't get me wrong girls, he's not hideous or anything. And the bald didn't throw me off, cause bald can be sexy. But the physical chemistry ain't there for me, and it has to be.

I discovered something else while driving. It is physically impossible to let someone into your heart when it is so completely filled by another man. Mr. Colorado never really had a chance. The past year I was spending copious amounts of time and energy looking for a special someone in my life, when he's already been there for years.

I love him not because he's the only guy to love me, or tell me great things about myself. I love him not because he's crazy about me. I love him not out of fear or desperation of never finding a love again. I love him for him, and for the way we are ourselves together. I love Mr. Wolf quite completely.

What a wonderful realization. Ain't life grand?